Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I put a smell on you…



Ok… there's no easy way of putting this… the "Body"… The "B" (human body in this case), as beautiful and complex a machine as it is, is a Disgusting-Smell-Hazard (DSH).

I will try to lay down a few abstract thoughts regarding or revolving around this sense of ours we know as Smelling.

Question… someone around you has Bad Breath (BD)… what do you do? Oh and just your luck, they'd be one of those people who don’t understand personal space and boundary issues, so their face would be RIGHT IN THERE! Well???

Do you tell them or not? Ideally… you'd offer them a piece of gum right? Well actually… ideally… they'd have nice, peppermint, breath (NPB) but alright… the best way to resolve this issue without hurting any feelings would be… gum! (By the way… God bless whoever invented gum).

What if it was during Ramadan and you can't offer gum? Or any other situation where you really can't just take out a piece of gum from your pocket and hand it to that person…

"Here"
"What?"
"Gum"
"I can see that… why?"
"Why?"
"Yeah"
"Because your breath F@#%## stinks… that’s F#$#@** why!"
"That bad?"
"Are you kidding me? You can disinfect germs with that breath!"

No no no… now that's not very nice is it?

You can distant your face (nose) as far away as possible, but then again… You can tie your shoe laces for so long before that other person suspects that you're doing it intentionally.

On the other hand… I think it's unethical not to mention it to that person. Because I'm sure if someone took the fall and informed Mr./Ms./Mrs. Bad Breath about his/her "problem", they would actually be saving them from any future gossip or embarrassments.

"Gum?"
"No thank you, I'm fine"
"No you're not… my friend"
"What do you mean?"
"Breath problem"
"Oh… I didn't know… why thank you very much… really… thanks for bringing it to my attention so I can fix it before anyone else notices it"
"Don't mention it…"


But how often would you get a reaction like that? I think it would be more along the lines of…

"Gum?"
"No thank you, I'm fine"
"Breath problem"
"Shut the hell up A##@!@&*%... Like you're MR.PERFECT!!! YOU STINK TOO"
"Not really… but ok… forget I mentioned it"


Some people just don't get it! BAD BREATH IS OFFENSIVE! (BDIO) But of course they don't get it… because no one has told them "HEY!!!! BRUSH YOUR TEETH MORE!" (HBYTM) or "HEARD OF MOUTH WASH?!!!!" (HMW).

Oh and… if I'm not mistaken… written clearly on the mouth wash bottle "if problem persists, please consult a doctor". SO IT IS A… "PROBLEM".

Ladies and gentlemen… the human body is smelly by nature… the least you could do is counter attack that with easily accessible products…

Long lasting ever fresh breath toothpaste.
Mouth wash.
Breath fresheners.
Any strong drink (I can only endorse non-alcoholic drinks)







So please… keep your mouth clean… fresh… and if you can't do that…. WELL!!!! Keep your mouth at least 2 meters away from my nose!

* * *
* * *


On a side note…

(Please put on your 3D glasses for this one)

I think intestinal gas should have been colored! I think that it was a cruel joke on someone's part to keep human gas colorless.
I figure… hey… if it was colored… like "Red Gas" or "Yellow Gas" then at least we can swerve around it. We can notice it and avoid it.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if you're walking down a corridor and you see someone coming your way and then oooowwwwpppsss… suddenly red smoke comes bursting out of him! Well first you give them the stink eye!! And then you hold your breath until you're in the clear.



I don't know about you… but I don't want to be caught off guard!

I suggest we should devote part of the human genetics study to add that "red gas gene" in our future generations' genetic mark-up.

And if it's possible… do one for the breath as well… And it can be a scale of colors… from like… Blue to Green… or something… wouldn't that be great?

* * *
* * *

To smell… or not to smell…

There are so many things that can go wrong… you've got…

Skin smell,
Hair smell,
Sweat,
Breath,
Gas,
Feet,
Armpits,

And you know what?!!!! WE CAN CURE AND SOLVE ALL OF THEM!!!!

So there's no reason anyone should smell funny at all.

* * *
* * *


Am I normal?

Ok… driving home from work, it was around half past 3. I saw a beautiful lady waiting next to the road, for her ride I guess, and she was smoking hot! I mean… the face, the body and the clothes (tank top)… She looked Lebanese. Anyway…

You know what the first thing that came to my mind? "Jeee she must be stinking from the sweat and the heat!"

In movies… when two people kiss… the first thing I think about is her breath… did she brush her teeth?

Some say Taurus people have an acute sense of smell. If that's true… HEY!!! WHAT THE @#!@!!

* * *
* * *


Irony…

You what’s ironic? Is that even though I'm a smell freak, I cannot monitor my self! I mean, no one can notice their own smell… well they can but I mean those subtle smells, the nose needs only 3-5 minutes to adjust to any kind of smell… so I really get paranoid mostly all the time regarding this… But still!!! I would like to be able to notice if my breath is losing it's freshness… IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

Now of course, I don't go unarmed… here… see…





But I would also like all of you that know me on a personal level…
If I ever smell bad… or had bad breath… TELL ME! Better yet… just slap me!

21 comments:

Brava Valentia said...

SHOTGUN!!!
LOL ...geeez!! i know how it feels


welcome baaQ, we laf yaW ;*

bin3li said...

that was really funny

take this link

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eHTjhnCCcW0

kila ma6goog said...

:(

أشكرك على المساعدة , كان الأفضل أن تصارحني بشكل شخصي بدل ما تفضحني على شبكة الأنترنت

3abeer said...

ماوغلي .. الفتى الذي سكت دهرا ... ثم نطق كفرا!!!

من صباح الله خير ..

smelly topics...LAISH???

:)

Krakatoa said...

اعتقد عندما تكون " الميانه" مع الشخص ذو الرائحه بالامكان ان تقوله او مثل ما نقول" تبطها بويهه" يافلان ترا فيك كيت وكيت

لكن المشكله مثل ما تفضلت في اللي ما تمون عليه..شتقبر فيه

ثم هناك نقطه اخرى..بعض المصلين هداهم وهو واقف يمك..فجأه " يتجدى" واتيك ريحة المعده تبط الراس وتخليك ماتدري اي ركعه صليت..!!

النوع الثاني اللي اييك ورحية اباطه خل معفن..مرات ماالومهم يمكن طبيعة اجسامهم جذي والجو عندنا خصوصا اللي يشتغلون بالشمس فيهم مشكله

نقطه ثانية..ريحة الزقاير..خصوصا بالدوواين..لما تعلق فيك وبدشداشتك..شخصيا ما اعرف انام وهالريحة فيني لازم اتسبح..مع اني من المدخنين..لكن وبنفس الوقت مااحبها تعلق فيني

متفرغ said...

Mowgli im speechless eb9ara7a .... bad smell needs to be combated .... there should be a national campaign 'al-7amla al-wa6aneya 9'ed ilree7a il7'aysa'.... its unbearable especially in tubes or buses it seems that some have a shower once in a week if not in a month .... gums and mouth wash are useless if someone just finished from eating garlic and onion 7ata Clorex ma yenfa3 ma3ahom .... y36eek il3afya :)

White Wings said...

مطقوق، واتعيب على المهاوش في مدونتي؟ أحسن من مدونة ام ريحة
:)
أنا أعاني من رائحة السائق عندنا، وبصراحة مو عارفة أقوله، أخاف أجرح مشاعره، بس أول ما أدخل السيارة أصب حولة من الريحة، فعلاً مشكلة
on a more serious note, Jonathan Swift's Gulliver Travels testifies to the filthiness of the human body and an indication of how much the writer himself was disgusted with the human body. Biographical studies show that Swift was Obsessed with the human body and its filth, very much like yourself :) and that is why he wrote the section of Gulliver visiting the land of the giants, it is to basically magnify the hideousness of the human body in terms of hygiene as well as sheer ugliness: so cute little noses, to Gulliver in the giants land, was disgusting and so on.
ma6goog, you are Gulliver in the land of the smelly
may God have mercy on your soul
:)

Commentor said...

First of all I would like to comment on " the nose needs only 3-5 minutes to adjust to any kind of smell… "
That’s can never be statically correct !
I suggest u to read and search more and never try to invent static's because there are people who would Fart on u and u could smell them is just seconds..
And there are people who would just pass by u and u would smell the god lord smelly sweat like a chemical killing so F^%$^% gas…
Secondly… "its not funny neither cute that u try to invent silly short cuts"
( INFNCTUTTISSC ) what ever !!!
;)
Oooh and last but not least… I really wish from my heart that all workers would take a bath daily and the manager hires a smell detective that would chick on the employees and who smells would be punished ! don’t we all wish that !???
I have a smelly manager… and unfortunately he really doesn’t know about the personal space.
And every one at the office would prefer him not to inter their offices..
( he has a baby sole.. white heart and clean brain I SWEAR ) but no one can stand his smell…
He has a sweat problem… its in his body.. he can do nothing about it although someone told me he baths daily…
But no one dare to tell him about the smell and we all pretend that he smells good so no one could hurt him because its not his fault…
We cant tell him ( men / women ) because it Hurts.. its not because he is our manager…
Thank u for bringing this subject up..

Delicately Realistic said...

LOL about the movies thing. I hate it when they kiss as soon as they wake up. Waaaaaai3. Or whenever i see people dancing in a crowded club i always think maaaan its gotta stink real bad in there. I cant watch Dirty Dancing without thinking, i hope he has deodrant on!

Im a smell freak too :/ this ramadan i reached my peak of freakishness when i accused a certain actress on a certain tv show of having bad breath & i havent even met her. I can smell her bad breath thru the TV. I swear...she just looks like she has bad breath, she has THAT look. I said it so many times and to so many ppl, that in the end they started smelling it too

:/
Now thats freaky.

Warda said...

la3at chabdi :( ge6eee3aaa

UmmEl3yal said...

LOL .. Bada3t!!

I actually walk with a bag of gum and Listerien strips !

In winter, people think that since they did not sweat, they sould not take a shower!! So I begin carrying deodrant samples to "guide" those who need it!!

I loved the 3D glasses. Do they work for burps too?!!

Honey™ said...

i dunno why a7es bedayat il post was smelly bs b3den t3dalat il ree7a ;p

ORACLE said...

مطقوق
مطاعم الفاست فوود مثل كنتاكي - هارديز - وغيرهم
تلاحظ الريحه المنبعثه من هالمطاعم وخصوصا في الفترة الصباحيه شي عجيب

koor emkhalba9 said...

Check out this link

Myth: Mouthwashes Eliminate Bad Breath
Experts say flossing and drinking water are good ways to fight bad breath. ABC News


& Bad Breath Commercial

Adorra said...

What's up with the abbreviations? :-p I think if everyone respected everyone elses personal space we wouldn't have this problem.

Mowgli said...

brava valentia:

thanks. good to be back :)

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bin3li:

i love youtube!

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kila ma6goog:

مو عنك يا رجل
بس هم مو عيب تتعطر بين فترة و فترة

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3abeer:

i wasn't quiet...
i was holding my breath :P lol

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krakatoa:

انا وياك بكل النقاط الي قلتها
100%

but i'm a non-smoker so... its even more so :)
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متفرغ:

Allah ye3afeek... what can we do... we try our best to educate people :P
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white wings:

first of all... i think you're confusing me with kilama6goog :) we're not the same person.

about Gulliver, he also went to land of the tiny people right?
so what imperfection of mankind was he trying to highlight?

and by the way... i really love the book... and the movie adaptation of it.
-----------

commentor:

ya36eek el 3afya.. nice post :P
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delicately realistic:

which actress ? :P loooool i promise i won't tell.

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warda:

the post....no good? :(
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ummel3yal:

the 3d glasses model in production does not, regrettably, work with burps... but you never know what future upgrades bring.

lol
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oracle:

your comment was directed to kila ma6goog... so i'll let him reply. :p
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koor emkhalbas:

i always prefer chemical free solutions to our daily problems... but sometimes, some people smell so bad that only something that was designed in a lab can cure them. :P
-----------

adorra:

what's up with the abbreviations? you could have just asked

(WUWTA) heheh i don't know...

and yes... but it would be ideal if they respect personal space and smelled nice :)

MiYaFuSHi said...

That's hot

Elijah said...

I think this is one the most serious problems that many don't dare speak about. Ya36eek el3afya!

The other day I felt sorry for a new guy at work, who doesn't have a driver's licence, so I offered him a lift to the nearest stop. I wish I hadn't, the smell was so unbearable that I had to send him a message the same night and come up with an excuse for him to get a taxi for the coming days. It was that bad!!

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Laish-Chithy said...

haha, nice post !!
ana mithlik kila awswis 3ala smells, o btw am a taurus.. oo i smell ashya 3an bu3d o i shower +4 times a day. o i had a friend min 8 years o this year 3ilaqty ikhtarbat weyaha lani iktishaft inha ma tisaba7 ila min sbo3 lay sbo3, o now everytime i c her taglib chabdy.
ya nas tsaba7aw oo brush o floss ur teeth !ana i cant go to bed without flossing law shino !
o when i go out, dawam r sog or whatever, aroo7 il 7ammam o i wash my hands lay my shoulders o a7i6 my lotion o aghasil wayhy ib 9aboon.. ma asta7mil il w9akha,ma3a ina i dont sweat..

i think am weswaseyya :/ its killing me o ga3d yzeed everyday!!!
at least ahwan min il 3ax